Day Two - To Forgive or not to Forgive?

Forgiveness is a hugely complex subject for us to deal with and has many facets to it. It is also something that every single one of us will have struggled with at some point in our lives on various different levels. It might have been a small misdemeanour or a far more serious wrongdoing. It may have been something we have done, or something that has been done to us or those close to us. But, whatever the action or the motive, it hurts.

In a world where there are so many wrongs, forgiveness can feel like an impossible task, too big to even start to address. It can feel overwhelming to us, and the impact it has can often be unmeasurable.

But as Christians forgiveness is not an option but a must, and to not forgive causes more pain, hurt and bitterness. Our first port of call in moving towards forgiveness is to start to understand, and to do this we need to turn to God and to scripture for guidance. There are many examples in the Bible to help us, from God forgiving the people of Ninevah, to Jesus forgiving those who betrayed him, persecuted and eventually killed him.

In a world where there are so many wrongs we have a lot to go at, but we have no right to sit in judgement of others. Only God has that right.

Luke 6:37 teaches us “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned, forgive and you will be forgiven”.

Not being able to process and work through to forgiveness can be destructive, both to ourselves and to those around us who suffer the consequences.

Forgiveness is a personal process and starts from within us, and there are stages of forgiveness that we go through at different paces. For us, as Christians first and foremost and at every stage, we need to take it to God in prayer. We need to define the issue, and consider our own role and the actions needed, what we need to make it happen and what personally we need to do. There often needs to be a change in behaviour of those involved and we need to be clear about the difference we can make to the situation.

Sounds easy but often it is far from it!

We are not perfect, but we can do our best to understand the complexities of the subject and commit to work on it, whether it be to forgive ourselves or someone else. If we have high expectations of ourselves we often find it harder to forgive ourselves than to forgive others. But God is a forgiving God. The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him. - Daniel 9:9

Personality often affects our ability to forgive, as well as our past experiences. If we have been hurt in the past and don’t have the internal resources to draw on, we may feel out of our depth, but recognising this is a good start.

To not forgive will make us unhappy, make us bitter and is likely to wreck relationships, hurting ourselves and those close to us. Through prayer we can find a way to make positive change, leading to true forgiveness. In him we have redemption through his blood the forgiveness of sins in accordance with the riches of God’s grace. Ephesians 1:7.

So next time you face a situation where forgiveness is needed turn to God and let him help you.

Kathy Shaw