Day three - Either forgive or remain imprisoned

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Ephesians 4:31 (NIV)

I have just heard the breaking news about three people killed in or near the Notre Dame Basilica in Nice. How do you feel about this incident, especially as the incident happened a few days ago? Are you able to forgive the attacker? How would you feel if this happened in your church? Would you still be able to forgive the attacker, or would you bear a grudge?

Let us make this more personal. Can you remember a time when someone, or a group of people, said or did something which really upset you? How long did it take you to get over that? Then again, perhaps you have not got over this incident? Perhaps you still feel the pain that you felt first time around and you still bear a grudge. In other words, have you forgiven those who upset you, or do you still bear a grudge?

Hang on a minute, we have just read in Ephesians 4:31, ‘Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.’ So, I ask again, ‘Do you still bear a grudge?’

I keep asking because bearing a grudge can gnaw away at the very essence of your soul. Some of us will get over events very quickly but not everyone is like that. For others, feeling pain, resentment and suffering is part of the natural recovery process but at some point, you must accept what has happened and move on. Which are you? You might get back to normal by yourself, with the assistance of friends or you may need specialist support. Recovery takes time and depends on both what has happened and how you reach this new normal. So, this process can take many months or years. There is not a set time period. But, and it is a big but, can you forgive and move on?

Many of you will be familiar with the phrase, ‘forgive and forget,’ but I would argue that you can’t always forget, and, in some cases, it would be unhelpful to do so. This is particularly important as we approach Remembrance Sunday. There are other instances when the memory of pain, injury and suffering hurt help us to avoid similar events in the future. However, we have still managed to forgive the perpetrator or perpetrators.

I learned a lot from the wise words of Nelson Mandela just before he was released. They echo what Paul wrote in Ephesians 4.

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.”

― Nelson Mandela

Can we do the same or will we forever be imprisoned with bitterness and hatred?

Michael Rolton