Day 27 - Out of fear came strength

Recently, on the fifth anniversary of the start of the covid pandemic, I was reminded of a time of change. It was a time of fear, uncertainty and change. For the first time in my lifetime, we were forced to shut our church doors. Memories of this time are still quite vivid in my mind, and probably in most people’s minds. For me it was a time change in more ways than just the restrictions of the pandemic. I had been living and working away from home for over eight years and as we prepared to go into lockdown I returned home permanently, leaving full time employment for the first time in my career and at the same time being called into ministry, again for the first time. The verse in Romans gave me hope at this time.

“Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind”. Romans 12:2

Throughout the next year I, like everyone, faced challenges we could never have imagined previously – illness and even the death of loved ones, restrictions on movement, lack of access to services, including medical services which we had previously taken for granted. Even attending church posed challenges. Fear was the overwhelming feeling, and sometimes the dreams/nightmares were vivid. Our mind can play tricks on us sometimes!

But never one to shy away from a challenge, and with the knowledge that God was with me, I turned to God to lead the way. I quickly found that many of the day-to-day pressures that we normally face had been temporarily removed and in their place was a whole new set of challenges some of which we had to face for the first time like queueing at the supermarket, restrictions on movement, inability to visit family and friends etc. and I can recall an overwhelming fear of something you couldn’t actually see.

On the positive side these restrictions created space in my head to re-establish the creativity that had been suppressed in the previous few years, due to many things including work pressures and an incredible amount of travelling between my home and where I was living and working. God has a way of intervening and resetting the balance, when it gets out of sync! I realised how being creative was a way of me expressing myself and directly influenced my feeling of well-being, both physically, mentally and spiritually, and although none of us would have chosen a pandemic and the loss of life that it caused, it certainly helped us refocus our minds on what is important to us.

What changes did you make, and what did you learn about yourself? Have you been able to continue to prioritise these things?

We all have things that help our wellbeing and for me being creative is an important element that contributes to my equilibrium.

Finding I had time on my hands and headspace to think I was able to re-adjust to being back home and a new way of life. I found my concentration improved, and without the often-mundane distractions of day-to-day life I was able to draw on my inner strength as well as turn to God when my inner strength inevitably wavered. I was able to spend time reading books previously unread. My bible became a source of comfort, being able to spend time with God, without distraction to guide me through, and I wondered how people who didn’t have a faith were coping. We all have times in life when the unexpected happens and when our own internal resources just aren’t enough to get us through. It’s at these times that we need to turn to God, just as Jesus turned to God in the Garden of Gethsemane for guidance when he was faced with doubt, especially when the time came for Him to face the cross.

“Father”, he prayed, “my Father! All things are possible for you. Take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet not what I want, but what you want”. Matthew 14:36

We know that God was there with Him and gave Him the strength to carry on and to move forward, as God will give us the strength to move forward too in peace.

Kathy Shaw