Whenever I get, vexed, annoyed, upset, livid, angry, or stressed, I am often advised to ‘take a chill pill.’ I take one of these metaphorical pills by looking at the problem objectively, taking a few deep breaths, or simply shrugging my shoulders and getting on with life. This isn’t easy and doesn’t solve all my problems, but it puts me back on track. However, life can be a challenge, especially when we feel annoyed or upset at what someone else has said or done, and we must find our own coping strategies. For me it’s metaphorical pills, for you it might be real medication, long walks, talking to someone or reading a book. Do what works for you.
Once we have calmed down, we can look at forgiveness and the influence culture has on forgiveness.
Western culture tends to view forgiveness as a personal matter. This implies that we have upset or annoyed someone, or they have upset or annoyed us. Therefore, forgiveness can be seen to benefit the forgiver and/or the person being forgiven. Some Eastern cultures take a different perspective, where forgiveness is more about benefiting a group. So Western folk are generally referred to as individualists, whereas group focused folk are collectivists. Other cultures, such as parts of China, just overlook minor mistakes and don’t even mention them. Seeking forgiveness or saying, “I forgive you,” would be wrong. (Summarised from What other Cultures can teach us about forgiveness by William Park BBC)
Why should we forgive? Well, unresolved tension or anger can, and often does, eat away at us over time and we end up suffering more than we should or need to. As Ephesians 4:26 (NIV) states:
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
I am not saying that you should not get angry – far from it. We read of Jesus turning over the tables of moneylenders in Matthew 21. However, bottling up emotions, especially strong feelings, can lead to a variety of stress-related issues. Find a way to dissipate or discharge wrath, so you can wake the next morning with a clearer head, ready to do God’s will. We will also, over time, begin to appreciate a peace and understanding which only God can provide. As we read in Philippians 4:7 (NIV):
“And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
As church members we enjoy a dual responsibility. We have occasions when we need to forgive individuals or be forgiven by them as an individual benefit. We also need to give and/receive forgiveness for the benefit of our church family.
Prayer
Help us to find peace and tranquility when we are feeling stressed and under pressure. Help us to turn our wrath into forgiveness, for the benefit of us as individuals and collectivists. Help us to understand the norms and boundaries of other cultures so we don’t offend someone, or group of individuals, unintentionally. Help us to feel the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and the love of Jesus, so we can become more like you.
Amen
Michael Rolton
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