I turned down the heating and was about to lock the doors when I heard these words, “Have you got a minute?” I had, and the believer (who I will refer to as Sam) asked if we could discuss Christmas, which is not an unusual topic at this time of year. Most folk either come with a specific question or meander all over the place before revealing what is on their mind. Others just fancy a natter. But Sam was focussed and began by outlining their hopes, fears, and concerns for the festive period before moving deeper into their personal problems. You see, Sam finds the Christmas/New Year period incredibly challenging. Whilst all the festivities are enjoyable, Sam struggles with inter-personal relationships, and seeking help and support. Sam was never close to their parents or siblings, never had a real friendship, and never enjoyed sharing their life with a partner. They can, however, don a good mask and appear to be OK. Sam also objects to folk declaring, “This is what you should do,” when all they see is Sam’s mask.
This “conversation” was challenging as I did not know what to say, if anything. I wanted to help Sam but where should I start? So, I decided to listen. Sam was now in full flow, getting deeper and more emotional by the minute. The floodgates were open. This person who always appeared to be so calm had tears in their eyes and their voice was ranged from loud and incoherent to soft and articulate. To be honest, it was getting a little scary.
Then, it stopped. The tirade ceased. Sam donned their mask, adopted their normal persona, and we started to have a conversation. After a few minutes, Sam thanked me for my time and for listening. I asked if I could share our experience. Sam agreed, providing anonymity was preserved and the deeper content was not shared. I agreed. Sam left.
I was cold, shaking and needed to unwind with a coffee. I started to mull things over. The Bible verse, “Know this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger,” (James 1:19) came to mind. As did, “To answer before listening – that is folly and shame.,” (Proverbs 18:13). You see, sometimes you need to demonstrate your love for a fellow believer by just listening. They do not need advice, guidance, or coaching. They just need to talk. However, we often feel the need to do something, but we should appreciate that listening is something, as is keeping your distance and respecting their space. Do you have that level of discernment and love, which enables you to just listen?
Prayer – Father, give us the wisdom to know when to speak and when to remain silent. Help each of us to provide the right type of help and support to our brothers and sisters during the Christmas/New year period. Amen
Michael Rolton