A year ago, I listened to a fellow Congregationalist who was struggling.
This person, who wants to be identified as ‘they’, was pouring their heart out, as tears cascaded down their cheeks. They would appear to have it all, and yet their internal turmoil meant the facade presented to the world was little more than a cabaret act. A twisted childhood, failed relationships, and low self-esteem had left them demoralised. They had no role models, no support mechanism or outlet of any type. And yet, and yet, they have a lovely family, a glowing persona, and a pastoral care manner which would shame many a minister or deacon. Like any performer, their mantra was, and is, ‘the show must go on,’ regardless of personal cost.
Why had they chosen this time to drop their guard and share their deepest fears? The answer was simplicity itself - because when they made the Freudian slip of saying, “Most of my friends are either married or living in a happy relationship.” I asked, ‘Are you ok?’ It would have been easy to make a joke or ignore the comment but, thankfully, I didn’t. I asked and listened.
Listening is hard, it drains your soul but like the quality of mercy, “It is twice blessed: It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.” But listening is only half the job. Do you just listen or offer to help? And before offering to help, you may realise that you do not have the skills to support the person who is talking, and they need professional guidance. Letting go in this way might bruise your ego, but our best role is to provide secondary support. In addition, we need to recognise the folk who do not want to talk, or do not want to talk to you, or are just not ready to talk. We must be open to God’s prompting by the Holy Spirit. As we read in Galatians
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfil the law of Christ.”
Galatians 6:1-2 (NIV)
This person was living a lie. They were deceiving both themselves and others. We all have different personas in life, and this was a protection mechanism, it was a lie. Thankfully, they agreed to receive professional help and they are being restored gently, as encouraged by Paul.
And remember, sometimes we too need to be humble, accept our faults and seek help.
Prayer
Let us use the words written by William Williams.
“Guide me, O my great Jehovah, pilgrim through this barren land; I am weak, but thou art mighty; hold me with your powerful hand.” Amen
Michael Rolton
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